The Virgo Times

Ow. Stomach.

Either I ate something very bad, or I came down with some kind of stomach flu . . . last night was awful.  Dragged myself to work today anyway, because I had an important meeting with my boss about replacing our assistant.  We did some very productive brainstorming, came up with some elegant and creative solutions, and I sent up a test balloon about my wish to work a four-day week.

I wish the situation with our assistant hadn't turned into such a nightmare, but her last day is Tuesday so the drama is almost over.  She has been roaming the office telling her side of the story to everyone who will listen ever since she handed in her notice.  I feel kind of sorry for her, because she just doesn't get it.  She could have learned so much in this position if only she had applied herself and listened to the feedback so many of us gave her--at her own request, I might add.  But, maybe her next job will suit her better and she'll be an exemplary employee.  I hope so, for everyone's sake.

Anyway, as soon as our meeting was over, I ended my workday and picked up my happy child.  We ordered pizza from a little local place (I'm trying to get J over his obsession with a certain pizza mega-chain) and now we are going to watch the Indiana Jones movies.  Bring on the weekend!

Today I took the plunge and enlisted professional help:  I made an appointment with a career coach.  She specializes in working with people who want to pursue careers in the "green" economy.  I'll be working with her over the next few months to figure out what I really want to do and how I can start doing it.  The timing dovetails nicely with the deadline I've set for myself at work:  if I don't have actual, helpful help by the end of the summer, it will be time to move on, and by then I hope to have honed in on a few specific job possibilities. 

I even made a countdown calendar--it helps to have a visual reminder that there's an end in sight.  I focus on it when the office atmosphere gets too tense for me.  It hasn't been easy, sitting next to someone I can't talk to because she has displayed a tendency to twist my words and fabricate conversations and then run crying to HR about feeling "singled out."  Well, duh, no one else does the stuff I've had to tell her not to do!  So, I don't talk to her any more without a witness, and I don't e-mail her without copying our boss.  GOOD TIMES.   I am resentful that I have to do so much more stress management these days, but at the same time I know  there is at least one lesson in all of this for me so I am grateful for the learning opportunity.

Anyway, enough about that.  It's a three-day weekend!  Yesterday was a beautiful day, so J and I hopped on our bikes and hit the trails in the forest preserve.  It was our longest ride to date, 12 miles, and it was great. I hope we can do a lot more of that this summer.  (Not today though, as our butts need a recovery period.  Ow.  Toward the end of the ride we discussed the necessity of padded bike shorts and gel seat covers.)  This morning we walked to our neighborhood pancake house for breakfast, but I hurt my back yesterday so I think the rest of the day may feature ibuprofen and DVDs.  And the glorious knowledge that the weekend continues tomorrow!

Work and Life

The Work Situation continues, and we are now in a weird stand-off.  I can't do anything about it; it's all on my boss and on our HR representative now.  All I can do is wait.  But, I've decided that I don't have to wait indefinitely:  if I still don't have help by the end of the summer, it will be time to plan my exit.  I can't/won't go through another year-end on my own.  For too long, I've taken full responsibility for what really should be a team function.  No more!

If things take a turn for the better and I do have help soon, I want to cut my hours and work four days a week.  I want time to explore my options, buy groceries, make my own laundry soap, have a check-up, cook Shabbat dinner, and so forth.  And I'm willing to give up some money to have that time, so that my weekends can be more like weekends and less like workdays.  Plus, I think my regular absence from the office is probably the best way to make sure that the new person takes ownership of the job responsibilities--and that I allow that to happen.

As I bide my time at work, I'm thinking a lot about our vacation.  Come June 11, we'll be on our way to the Outer Banks!  There are no words to describe how happy that makes me.  The only down side is that M can't come with us.  It's a drag, because everything is more fun with him.  I won't complain too much, though, because what this means is that I have someone with whom I want to go everywhere and do everything, all the time.  I call that nothing short of a miracle!

Now, I must tell you a funny J story:  J made a coupon book to give me for Mother's Day.  There are coupons for hugs, for cleaning up his room, for taking out the trash, for any chore of my choosing, etc.  So one day last week, we were in the kitchen making dinner and a great song came on the radio.  "Dance with with me to this cool song!" I said, and started dancing.  J held up his hands, palms facing me, and said, "Whoa.  You're going to have to use a coupon for this."

Big, Big Steps

I decided to take down my last post about work and the situation with our assistant; things are turning ugly and I was afraid I might create more problems by talking about it publicly.

I think it is safe enough for me to say this, however:  I think I will quit my job in the next six months.  The fact is, my workload is stressful, I need help (and I've needed it for a long time), and our current situation is helping very little.  At least a couple of times during each month-end, I'm under so much stress that my heart races.  That can't possibly be okay, health-wise.  It happened again yesterday, and my gut feeling is that this is no good and I need to find another way to make a living.

The other impetus driving me toward this decision is my growing sense that it's time for me to find work that really means something to me.  I want more than just the satisfaction of working hard and doing a great job.  I want to do something that is in some way related to my personal values and concerns.  I don't know what kind of work it will be, but I am sure it is out there and I will find it.

Now, I've been working there for almost six years, and the idea of leaving is SCARY.  And exhilarating!  But VERY scary.  The pay and the benefits are great, and I've made some great friends there.  It will hurt to walk away from all of that, but obviously my health is more important than any paycheck or dental plan.

Yesterday I removed most of my personal belongings from my cubicle, because M was picking me up from work and I thought hey!  I'll take all this stuff home in the car instead of hauling it on the el!  I've been on a serious decluttering kick anyway and it was definitely time to clear out some drawer space, but in my heart I knew I really just wanted to start detaching from that place and that situation.  I felt a little manic and thought I might be overreacting to everything that's happened at work this week, and at the same time it felt good to take even that small step.

So, next steps:  Checking out a couple of training programs that have intrigued me for a long time.  Identifying local companies in the industries that interest me.  Probably talking to a career coach.  Saving as much money as possible while I still have those paychecks coming in.

Also, watching my herb seedlings grow in my sunny living room window, re-potting the beautiful plants I brought home last weekend, spending lots of time with my amazing and supportive boyfriend, and going on vacation with my wonderful child.  This summer we are going to ride our bikes, go to the water park, and take camping trips.