The Virgo Times

We are almost ready for Passover and I'm so excited!  I love Passover.  I feel like I've finally been Jewish long enough to associate certain foods and rituals with the holiday based on firsthand experience and not just on what I've read or heard.  Today I said to someone, "I always use this macaroon recipe for Passover," and it sounded so funny because we all know that in this case "always" really only means "for the last few years."

I spent much of Sunday looking for the last few items I needed for my kosher-for-Passover kitchen.  I decided it was time to really commit, so I bought pots and pans, mixing bowls, kitchen towels, knives, cutting boards, spatulas, shears, drinking glasses . . . pretty much everything.  I haven't found the right dinnerware sets yet, so we'll be eating on paper plates next week, but other than that I think we're in good shape.

The grocery shopping was completed Sunday as well, and next year I must remember to leave J with someone else while I geek out over the Passover selection at my favorite store.  He was wilting from boredom while I examined pancake syrup labels and hunted for quinoa.  Poor J.  I never did find the quinoa, either.

Another nice thing that happened this weekend was . . . it feels like an odd thing to say, but I fell a little bit more in love with M.  When I saw him last night, it hit me hard:  I love him more now than I did a couple of days ago.  Isn't that weird?  I like it, though.  I like it very much.

Last Straw

Oh man.  I was hoping J and I could get out on our bikes this weekend, but it is supposed to SNOW this weekend!  We should be done with the cold white stuff by now, no??

My Barbados idea looks better and better all the time.

Financial Fears

I've been talking with a friend of mine about her plan to put some money away for retirement.  She is fifty years old, and hasn't saved anything for retirement until now; she has never wanted to deal with learning about all the various savings options (too complicated, she feels), and could never summon up any concern about how she would sustain herself financially during retirement.

I'm fascinated, because in this way she is my polar opposite.  I've been saving for retirement since I took my first full-time job almost twenty years ago.  This year one of my goals is to meet with a financial planner, to assess my current financial position, set goals, and determine my next steps.  I take it all very seriously, and I know fear is one my greatest motivators in this area of my life.  When I was growing up, my family had money problems.  I remember once we had to stop off at the pawn shop before we did the Christmas shopping--my parents pawned jewelry in order to have the money for that shopping trip.  There were lay-offs, and I have vivid memories of my mom sitting down every month to figure out exactly when they could afford to pay which bill.  There was a lot of shame and embarrassment in our house about the money situation, and it was one of the many things that no one ever talked about openly.

Of course I've had my own money trouble.  In my twenties, I tried to shop my way out of loneliness and depression, and racked up more debt than I could handle on my own.  That was a mistake that still has repercussions today.  I've learned a fair amount about handling my money, and at the moment things are fine, but the thought of retirement turns my stomach.  Even though I have some savings and I plan to keep saving, I'm afraid it won't be enough.  There's no pension, no trust fund, no second income; there's nothing but what I can put away on my own.  I'm afraid I will run out money and fall through the cracks.

So, talking with my friend has really got me thinking about the fact that I am saving money out of fear.  On one hand, fine--I'm saving.  On the other hand, I don't like that I'm doing anything out of fear.  I don't want that much fear in my life.  And the kicker is that I'm a little bit afraid to tell a financial planner how afraid I am.  She might tell me that I'm RIGHT to be so afraid!

Probably better go ahead and schedule that consultation.  Right this minute.