Happy news first: M has a job offer in hand!
Otherwise, tough week. I'm still trying to shake off this virus, but
this was not a week when I could take time off to rest. My inbox at
work is full of items flagged for follow-up, and they all sink rapidly
to the bottom as more, equally-urgent e-mails arrive. Everyone is
waiting for me to do something for them, respond to them, or send them
something. Everyone is expecting something from me, and everyone is
impatient, but there's only one of me and there is no back-up. I'm
doing the best I can, and it upsets me that my efforts aren't good
enough for other people.
I'm really, really tired. Physically tired, right in my bones. And
tired of doing everything myself. Tired of knowing that if I there's
something I don't do, then it just won't get done--no matter what it
is, big or small, whether at work or at home.
Yesterday, I did my best to brush aside my bad frame of mind and went to synagogue with a friend for an aufruf.
As soon as the service started, I was caught up in the worship and
nothing else mattered. With my cell phone off and all my other
responsibilities left outside the sanctuary (J is with his father this
weekend), I settled in with the prayer book and lost myself in the
chanting and singing. Three hours later we emerged for a festive lunch
in honor of the bride and groom, and as I sat at the table eating and
talking with friends I realized that this is what Shabbat should be.
There's a common saying in Judaism that goes "more than the Jewish
people have kept Shabbat, Shabbat has kept the Jewish people." I've
always understood that to mean that observing Shabbat keeps the Jewish
community together, but today I saw that observing Shabbat could help
me keep myself together.
So, I'm thankful that the difficult week actually ended on a very
inspiring note. Today I feel good enough to get some things done, too,
which I'm sure is no coincidence.
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